


the association of dumbassery

by N_Is_For_Knowledge



Series: the association of dumbassery [1]
Category: All the Wrong Questions - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chatting & Messaging, Gen, Texting, This is a disaster tbh, some 13si kids finally show up thank god, thank you connie for the blessed headcanon that takes up most of the last section
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2019-12-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:07:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,536
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22035295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N_Is_For_Knowledge/pseuds/N_Is_For_Knowledge
Summary: “Grammatically Correct Lemon: He’s a… friend of mine, from back home.force of courage: GASPsmol fucker: le gaspshut up all of you: YOU HAVE FRIENDS OTHER THAN US????”Lemony Snicket has the brilliant idea to make a groupchat for his new friends. Involves dumb names, too much grammar, too little grammar, brunch, incredible powers of memorization, and memes. So many memes.
Relationships: Jake Hix/Cleo Knight, but like super super vague
Series: the association of dumbassery [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1586047
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	the association of dumbassery

**Author's Note:**

> for the stain’d squad section, because most of their usernames are different there:
> 
> Pip: taxi toddler #1
> 
> Squeak: taxi toddler #2
> 
> Jake: Designated Mom Friend
> 
> Kevin: sword gay
> 
> Florence: don’t call me flo
> 
> Oliver: it’s an AMPHIBIAN
> 
> Moxie: force of courage
> 
> Also, this takes place after most of FU:13SI and before SYBIS, which is why Kellar and Ornette aren’t here, and also why Lemony doesn’t talk about VFD outright.

_ ( _ **_L. Snicket_ ** _ created a group chat) _

_ ( _ **_L. Snicket_ ** _ renamed  _ **_Untitled Chat_ ** _ to  _ **_The Association of Associates_ ** _ ) _

_ ( _ **_L. Snicket_ ** _ added  _ **_M. Mallahan_ ** _ ,  _ **_C. Knight_ ** _ ,  _ **_J. Hix_ ** _ ,  _ **_P. Bellerophon_ ** _ ,  _ **_S. Bellerophon_ ** _ and  _ **_E. Feint_ ** _ to  _ **_The Association Of Associates_ ** _ ) _

**_E. Feint:_** the fuck kinda name is this

**_L. Snicket:_ ** It’s a good one! It’s got wordplay, professionalism…

**_E. Feint:_ ** i can do better

_ ( _ **_E. Feint_ ** _ renamed  _ **_The Association of Associates_ ** _ to  _ **_The Association of Dumb Names_ ** _ ) _

**_L. Snicket:_ ** How is that better?

**_C. Knight:_ ** good luck adding pip and squeak to a chat and expecting “professionalism”

**_L. Snicket:_ ** Wait, is “professionalism” a real word? I’m not sure. 

**_P. Bellerophon:_ ** omg what are you doing

**_L. Snicket:_ ** What? Am I doing something wrong?

**_P. Bellerophon:_ ** he’s 

**_P. Bellerophon:_ ** he’s actually using grammar

**_M. Mallahan:_ ** WHAT

**_L. Snicket:_ ** What’s wrong with using grammar?

**_E. Feint:_ ** NO ONE USES GRAMMAR WHILE TEXTING

**_E. Feint:_ ** NO ONE 

**_J. Hix:_ ** calm down y’all you don’t have to be rude about it

**_S. Bellerophon:_ ** but it’s SO FUCKING WEIRD 

**_C. Knight:_ ** squeak you’re like three why are you swearing 

**_S. Bellerophon:_ ** IM 8

**_M. Mallahan:_ ** jake why r u saying yall 

**_C. Knight:_ ** MY POINT STILL STANDS

**_C. Knight:_ ** AND JAKE IF YOU SAY Y’ALL ONE MORE TIME IM BARRING YOU FROM GARDEN ACCESS

**_J. Hix:_ ** you wouldn’t

**_C. Knight:_ ** i WILL 

**_M. Mallahan:_ ** im still concerned bout lemonys grammar

**_M. Mallahan:_ ** OH FUCK DOES HE KNOW WHAT MEMES ARE

**_J. Hix:_ ** DONT SAY THE F WORD IN FRONT OF PIP AND SQUEAK

**_S. Bellerophon:_ ** FUCK :)

**_M. Mallahan:_ ** WILL WE HAVE TO INTRODUCE HIM TO MEMES

**_L. Snicket:_ ** Calm down, Moxie, I know what memes are.

**_M. Mallahan:_ ** ur perfect gramer says otherwise 

**_L. Snicket:_ ** It’s “grammar”, not “gramer”. And of course I know memes. It’s impossible to be on the internet and not know memes.

**_S. Bellerophon:_ ** :) PROVE IT

**_E. Feint:_ ** this chat is a literal dumpster fire

**_L. Snicket:_ ** I’m assuming you meant “figurative”.

**_P. Bellerophon:_ ** OF COURSE ITS NOT A LITERAL DUMPSTER FIRE YOU DUMB FUCK I THOUGHT YOU KNEW MEMES AND SHIT

**_L. Snicket:_ ** I’m so sorry to do this to all of you, but…

**_L. Snicket:_ ** Inside you there are two wolves.

**_M. Mallahan:_ ** NO STOP

**_L. Snicket:_ ** One of them, due to your… unusual education, recoils at the idea of imperfect grammar.

**_P. Bellerophon:_ ** oh so it’s an Unusual Education thing

**_L. Snicket:_ ** The other one wants desperately to be a memelord.

**_L. Snicket:_ ** You are Lemony Snicket. 

**_S. Bellerophon:_ ** man FUCK your unusual education

**_L. Snicket:_ ** It’s not that bad.

**_S. Bellerophon:_ ** but they won’t let you be a memelord

_ ( _ **_E. Feint_ ** _ changed their nickname to  _ **_shut up all of you_ ** _ ) _

**_shut up all of you:_ ** read my username pls 

**_S. Bellerophon:_ ** :( i cant read

**_P. Bellerophon:_ ** yeah you can you small fucker

_ ( _ **_P. Bellerophon_ ** _ changed  _ **_S. Bellerophon_ ** _ ’s nickname to  _ **_small fucker_ ** _ ) _

**_small fucker:_ ** :P

_ ( _ **_small fucker_ ** _ changed their nickname to  _ **_smol fucker_ ** _ ) _

**_J. Hix:_ ** i mean it’s true

**_J. Hix:_ ** sorry squeak

**_smol fucker:_ ** :)

**_P. Bellerophon:_ ** should I be worried

_ ( _ **_smol fucker_ ** _ changed  _ **_P. Bellerophon_ ** _ ’s nickname to  _ **_slightly larger fucker_ ** _ ) _

**_slightly larger fucker:_ ** this was not necessary 

**_M. Mallahan:_ ** oh r we changing nicknames now? bc I have some ideas

_ ( _ **_M. Mallahan_ ** _ changed their nickname to  _ **_force of courage_ ** _ ) _

**_slightly larger fucker:_ ** but you’re always force of courage. every. time.

**_force of courage:_ ** its so ppl can tell it’s me!

_ ( _ **_force of courage_ ** _ changed  _ **_L. Snicket_ ** _ ’s nickname to  _ **_grammatically correct lemon_ ** _ ) _

**_C. Knight:_ ** wow this is a freak show i don’t respect literally any of you

**_shut up all of you:_ ** me 24/7

_ ( _ **_C. Knight_ ** _ changed their nickname to  _ **_Better Than Any Of You_ ** _ ) _

**_force of courage:_ ** it’s true

**_J. Hix:_ ** you’re right sweetheart

**_smol fucker:_ ** brb throwing up

**_smol fucker:_ ** but also yeah true

_ ( _ **_grammatically correct lemon_ ** _ changed their nickname to  _ **_Grammatically Correct Lemon_ ** _ ) _

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** I just had to fix that. Also, you’re right, Cleo.

**_slightly larger fucker:_ ** DID YOU JUST

**|stain’d squad!|**

_ 2:18 PM _

**_taxi toddler #1:_ ** LEMONY SNICKET I STG

**_taxi toddler #1:_ ** wait he’s not here

**_taxi toddler #1:_ ** wait this is the staind squad chat

**_taxi toddler #1:_ ** SQUEAK

**_taxi toddler #2:_ ** >:D

**_Designated Mom Friend:_ ** y’all ok?

**_taxi toddler #1:_ ** we were driving 

**_taxi toddler #1:_ ** and SQUEAK JUST SNATCHED MY PHONE

**_Designated Mom Friend:_ ** i reiterate: NO USING YOUR PHONE WHILE DRIVING

**_Designated Mom Friend:_ ** sorry pipsqueaks. now i must put parental controls on your phones

**_taxi toddler #1:_ ** NOOOOOOOO

**_Designated Mom Friend:_ ** screen time! only 15 mins of youtube per day! 

**_taxi toddler #2:_ ** D: NO NO NO NO NO

**_sword gay:_ ** lemony snicket? hey flo wasn’t that the kid who nearly busted us for the bbbg thing?

**_don’t call me flo:_ ** yeah. he didn’t tho, i think he knew we would kill him if we did. 

**_Designated Mom Friend:_ ** nah he just hates the mitchums with a burning passion

**_sword gay:_ ** everyone with half a braincell hates the mitchums with a burning passion

**_taxi toddler #2:_ ** but kevin u have 0.00001% of a braincell

**_sword gay:_ ** I hate them with the passion of a million supernova-ing stars

**_taxi toddler #1:_ ** i don’t think supernova-ing is a word

**_don’t call me flo:_ ** no one cares, pip

**_it’s an AMPHIBIAN_ ** : wait isn’t snicket the guy who thinks parcheesi is “inane”?

**_force of courage:_ ** he just says that bc he loses every time we play

**|The Association Of Dumb Names|**

_ 2:19 PM _

**_force of courage:_ ** WAIT SNICKET HAVE YOU WATCHED THE SONIC REAL TIME FANDUBS THOSE ARE PEAK COMEDY

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** Yeah! I… may have memorized the entirety of the “Eggman Pisses On The Moon” monologue.

**_shut up all of you:_ ** prove it

_ 2:21 PM _

**_J. Hix:_ ** honestly fuck all of you

**_J. Hix:_ ** he was getting brunch!!

**_force of courage:_ ** brunch??? at two???

**_J. Hix:_ ** he missed breakfast

**_J. Hix:_ ** he was reading your texts

**_J. Hix:_ ** and then he cleared his throat a lil like he’s gonna go into some long speech thing so i started recording because i was Worried but also Intrigued 

**_J. Hix:_ ** and he just… LAUNCHED into the entirety of eggman pisses on the moon it was so fucking funny

**_J. Hix:_ ** _ snicketpissesonthemoon.mp4 _

**_force of courage:_ ** OMGGGGGG  _ @Grammatically Correct Lemon _ WHAT THE FUCK

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** I mainly use it to annoy Theodora, to be honest.

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** I’ve also got the first five minutes of the Bee Movie memorized. 

**_J. Hix:_ ** WHAT 

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. 

**_shut up all of you:_ ** NO

**_J. Hix:_ ** LEMONY PLEASE STOP

**_force of courage:_ ** i love how none of us have watched the bee movie but the minute we hear that sentence we all go into fight or flight

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** Let me finish!

**_shut up all of you:_ ** LEMONY CHARLES SNICKET SHUT THE FUCK UP

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** How do you know my middle name? Also, Ellington, go drown yourself in a coffeepot and let me finish.

**_force of courage:_ ** DAMN

**_shut up all of you:_ ** if your gonna be that way then

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway, because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Coming! Hang on a second. Hello? Barry? Adam? 

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** Can you believe this is happening? I can't. I'll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I'm excited. Here's the graduate. We're very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B's.

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** And for now, we’ll end on that terrible pun.

**_shut up all of you:_ ** for a little bit, i thought snicket was the sane one, but now i see

**_shut up all of you:_ ** he’s just as crazy as the rest of us

**_force of courage:_ ** hey  _ @smol fucker @slightly larger fucker  _ snicket just quoted the first few minutes of bee movie and we’re all dead inside

**_J. Hix:_ ** THEYRE DRIVING

**_force of courage:_ ** I DONT CARE

**_smol fucker:_ ** WHERE IS THE BEE MOVIE CONTENT

**_force of courage:_ ** scroll up

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** I hereby vote that Jake should be declared the Sane One. All in favor? 

**_Better Than Any Of You:_ ** AYE

**_force of courage:_ ** AYE

**_smol fucker:_ ** FUCKIN AYE

**_shut up all of you:_ ** AYE

**_slightly larger fucker:_ ** AYEEEEE

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** You all sound like Widdershins.

**_slightly larger fucker:_ ** who the fuk is widdershins

**_smol fucker:_ ** the fuck kind of name is widdershins

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** He’s a… friend of mine, from back home.

**_force of courage:_ ** GASP

**_smol fucker:_ ** le gasp

**_shut up all of you:_ ** YOU HAVE FRIENDS OTHER THAN US????

**_Grammatically Correct Lemon:_ ** All seem in favor, so…

_ ( _ **_Grammatically Correct Lemon_ ** _ changed  _ **_J. Hix_ ** _ ’s nickname to _ **_the Sane One_ ** _ ) _

**_force of courage:_ ** all is right with the world


End file.
